Hello!!! So a few posts ago I mentioned about finally trying to shift some of this weight I managed to put on (urrrrrgh)
Just a bit of background. I’ve always been a bit ‘chunky’. I was a big kid and a bit of a big tween too (it’s puppy fat, it’ll go). Also I’m quite short, only 5ft3 or something. It’s on my dads side of the family, and I was never really bothered until I hit about 16. Then I wanted to lose weight.
I wasn’t very big then, I never weighed myself but I was a comfortable size 14 probably about 12-13 stone. I lost a few pounds for prom, squeezed into my dress and then carried on life as usual. When I hit 17 I had gained a lot of weight (me and my best friend used to gorge on cakes and doughnuts and Chinese food pretty much every day) and my ex (can I get an amen?) had decided he preferred another girl so I decided ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. At the time I was struggling to fit into my size 14 clothes and was about 13 st 3 or 4 pounds. In about a year I lost over 2 stone and got down to 11 pounds. I was fitting in my size 10 or 12s and I was generally happy.
THEN I met my boyfriend now. Let’s call him BB. Anyway, we both realised how much we loved food. And in the first year of being together I gained about 2 and a half stone and got to the heaviest I’d ever been. This didn’t bother me for a while because I was preeeetty content with life, but after a while I’d look at old pictures of BB and I and just wish I was that slim again. So I, yet again, decided to gain weight. Last summer I lost 2 stone.
Life carried on, BB and I moved into our first place together, my daily commute went from an hour walk to a 5 minute walk max and GUESS WHAT? from November 2016 to January 2017 I managed a pretty incredible feat… I gained 3 stone. To my heaviest of about 15 stone. FORREAL. Again, January to May I dabbled with dieting but there were so many family events I’d gain a pound, lose a pound etc etc etc.
Then it started to get warm, due to the fact I was nearly 20 kilos lighter this time last year NONE of my clothes fitted me. And they still don’t. But it gave me the motivation I needed to realise I need to lose weight.
So here I am, a few weeks in and just over 8 pounds down. Still heavy but finally getting there. I’m feeling good about losing weight, and I’ve realised that no matter how long it takes it’s the perseverance that gets you there.
I am learning to appreciate myself no matter what point of my weight loss journey I am on. Whether I’m 2 weeks in and lost only a few pounds or 2 months in and part way to my goal. Enjoying yourself and appreciating yourself is SUCH A BIG PART OF THE PROCESS.
Now, there are a few reasons I am learning to love myself. The first is my boyfriend, he doesn’t care about my weight. Though at the same time he is soooo supportive. When I want to cry because I’m STARVING but don’t have ANYTHING TO EAT he will sit down and rationally go through the cupboard and find me food.
The second is a weird one, I have been watching a lot of RuPauls Drag Race (maybe I managed to watch s2 to s8 in about 5 months) and it has made me so much more positive about myself. Just the way these people speak to openly and honestly about their life and what they have experienced and THEY love themselves has made me love myself. Even just a bit.
As Ru says, if you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?
Thanks for reading.